speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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