How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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