put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
