i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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