Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
