You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize