My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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