I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
