I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
