K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
