this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
