I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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