So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize