Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
