you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't turn off my feet"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
