Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
