I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
