Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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