i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
