Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
