Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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