what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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