My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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