as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
