we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
