So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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