He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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