did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
