I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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