he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
