i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
