why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize