Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
