I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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