eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
