I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
