Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
