it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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