DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
