I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
