so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
