i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Houston, we have a blender
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
