Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
