Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize