sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
