if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
