Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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