i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
FUCK WHALES
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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