You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
