Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dignity is for republicans.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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