Me. At least after what I've been through.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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