Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
