As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize