Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she told me i tasted like america
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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