Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
