***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Welp...herpes.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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