As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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