Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
