Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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