A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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