I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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