Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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