I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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