i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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