I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
