Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Too much gin, very little bucket
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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