O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
