My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
