when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize