how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
