He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize