They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
