I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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