And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
