Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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