complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
