and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
God, I missed his penis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
